There are a slew of quotes and often used phrases we tend to spout when someone is going through a rough patch. I’m sure you’ve heard some of these clichés before –
• “Consider the glass half full, not half empty” (are you kidding me?)
• “This too shall pass”(when?)
• “The power of positive thinking”(not helping)
• “Everything happens for a reason”(It doesn’t make sense)
• “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” (seriously?)
• “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade”(I don’t like lemonade)
• “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle” (He just did!)
• “It wasn’t meant to be” (says who?)
• “Count your blessings” (so, grateful people are not allowed to have a bad day?)
The list goes on and on. Depending on one’s mental state at the moment, some of these quotes may get the “motivator” an eye roll, a burst of “you don’t understand”, a variation of my responses above or a quick end to the conversation. I must confess, I have used these clichés in my attempt to encourage or support someone. I should know better. Even with the best intentions, these sayings may have the effect of minimizing what one is going through. Think of whatever you are going through as a wound. If it is a small cut that just needs a Band-Aid, a powerful positive quote may do the trick. If it is a deep wound that needs stitches, you definitely need more than a Band-Aid.
I have had quite a challenging year and no amount of positive quotes my friends shared with me helped. My wound was deep. It needed sutures and time to heal. My challenges were not something that could be glossed over with a well worded quote. I had to feel the pain of it all – loss, negativity, fear, frustration, anger, impatience, doubt, etc. The wound had to heal well enough for the salve to be effective.
Thankfully, I am a naturally positive person so a big part of me always believes that I will get through whatever is going on, eventually. I also believe that“in the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity” as Albert Einstein once stated. This has been a guiding principle in my life. So rather than wish I could wave a magic wand to make it all go away, I maintain my sanity by deciding what to do while the wound heals. I search for the opportunity. Depending on how deep the wound is, this could take a while. It’s usually difficult, but I try to focus on other things. My first instinct is to shut down, retreat, or have a “pity party”. These reactions only make the wait even longer. So, I stop waiting. I get busy doing the things I love doing. The problem is still there, but I refuse to focus on it. I am not in denial. I understand I still need to deal with it;I just need a distraction.
In Violet Greene’s words,“life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain”. So I dance. I live. I engage. I connect. I move forward. As often as I can. As quickly as I can. As patiently as I can. At some point during my dance in the rain, the wound begins to heal to the point where only a Band-Aid is required. It all begins to make sense. They are not merely clichés anymore but a guide and a process to navigate through life. They become road maps and a part of life’s journey. It is passing and the reason it happened is clearer now. It didn’t kill me. I feel stronger and I’m beginning to like lemonade. I handled it well, just like God knew I would. I’m counting my blessings.
As usual, it all boils down to choice. I choose active waiting. I’m impatient, so this is hard for me. But I do it. It is indeed an opportunity to re-ignite. I’m almost grateful for the problem.
What will you do while you wait for the wound to heal?Will you choose to “dance” or hold your breath untilthe storm blows over? Remember, “life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.” – Jawaharlal Nehru.
Choose wisely.
Iruka A. Ndubuizu is a Negotiations Expert, “Contract Guru”, Attorney, Consultant and Trainer. She is an Assistant Director for Contracts Administration at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia and the Founder of Eureka Consulting, LLC (www.eurekaconsultingllc.com). Contact info: info@eurekaconsultingllc.com; +1 678.224.1960.
